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moment of peace 2009

December 14, 2009

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the moment i saw my son again after the operation.

#best09

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#reverb10 Letting go

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley) This is fairly difficult to write as I am still in the process of letting go. I am part of a Patchwork family. There is my son, his dad, my partner. And then there`s her. She`s his new partner, has been for a few years now. She has two children, one girl from a previous relationship, one girl with my ex-partner. We´ve known each other for 6 years, i liked her instantly, we spent a vast amount of time together, not just with our children, we exchanged letters, phone calls, e-mails. and every two years she does something that really shocks me: she suddenly and to me for me no apparent reason decides that she`s better off without me, she cuts off any communication, she doesn`t answer my mails or writes excruciatingly detailed mails to me that all come down to " things i never told you ". And needless to say, these things are never pleasant, but nasty and unforgiving. She is the better m...

the claustrophobia project, lemon curd and all the help i can get

i have been massively claustrophobic for quite some time now. it started with planes, then the tube, elevators and so on and so on. 2004 i tried a confrontational therapy.it was no fun, that much i can tell you. lots of crying and pulling of hair, lots of desperation, lots of hyperventilating locked in elevators for 30 minutes or so. i never made it back onto a plane though. no flying for 11 years. i told myself it didn`t matter. i could take a boat, hell, i could swim, i could take a car. no problem. but a big part of my family lives in great britain and my grandparents lived in glasgow. the last time i went there with my son was when he was two years old. we took the car from berlin to amsterdam and embarked on the journey to hell all the way to newcastle. the cabin we had booked was underneath the machine room of the ferry, so it was impossible for me to stay there. combine acute seasickness with claustrophobia and you`ve got yourself a real party full of song and dance. i was sick ...

List it tuesday/ instead of....

i know, i know, it`s not handwritten again. but bear with me:) today is an" instead of " list. that is, i want to do a kind of wee brainstorming e xercise, opposing the things i would like to do and the things i have to do. am open to any inspiration from your part: i would like to go for a walk instead of sitting almost all day think positive thoughts instead of turning around the negative ones in my head over and over believe in myself instead of feeling inadequate most of the time count my blessings instead of wallowing in self-pity write again instead of thinking about writing

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