Oct 29, 2009

thursday favourites: today: habit and pumpkins


this is my favourite photo of the week, found at habit, a great space i visit on a regular basis.

Oct 25, 2009

almost over


the song for this week is " hate on me " by jill scott ( click title to see/ hear )
am so glad this week is almost over.
am also glad that the last two days lacked the aggressive atmosphere of the days before.
as aimee put it so well: " avoid toxic people. "
very true.

feelgood movie for sunday: kate & leopold :)

Oct 22, 2009

thursday favourites today: mr. j`s jelly fish



my dear friend jörg (http://www.fockele.com) sent me this jellyfish. i love its colours, its seeming weightlessness, its elegance, the way it floats.
it`s calm and smooth and silky and vibrant while the weather outside is grey and depressing. now that i`m the scottish patient, i don`t do depressing anymore:)

Oct 20, 2009

the woman behind the wall

while i was in hospital, there was a woman in the room next door.nobody would tell me what was the matter with her,but she seemed to be in pain almost all the time and the moaning and the screaming went on for hours until she begged for help. i have very rarely felt so utterly helpless. i wanted to go to her, to hold her hand and comfort her, to be there, to somehow ease her pain. but i couldn`t move properly,couldn`t walk without help, couldn`t sit. so all i could do was lie there and listen to her pain and when it got really bad i rang for the nurses who were then angry with me for some reason, because i asked them to help her.
this went on for one and a half weeks and i got used to it,which is terrible,but true. she was always there, behind the wall.
and then, one afternoon, she was gone. and it was quiet and i had longed for that quietness, for some peace,but now it seemed wrong. they told me she had been transferred to another ward and that she was okay, whatever that means in hospital vocabulary.
i never saw her face.

where the heart is

home is where the heart is or so they say. it`s true though. after weeks in hospital,the first few days drowsy with all the pain killers and the fear, home felt so far away it seemed impossible ever to go back. now that i am back, i need to learn almost everything new.that is not always easy, but it is so worth it.
the titanscrews in my back are unfamiliar, i have to get used to them, used to walking straight without limping,used to relaxing my shoulders, used to having faith in my body. the doctor said " i`m not giving you a new back, i am repairing the one fate gave you " so easy, so hard.
at home, things are difficult. i need a lot of help,but every day brings new achievements. small steps, every day more steps.
the sun is shining for me and the colours of the leaves are beautiful.my son combing my hair is beautiful. the first shower after the hospital was beautiful, the warm water pouring down my skin, the steam, the smell of the lovely shower cream someone gave me. all new.