Dec 31, 2009

blog challenge:resolution you wish you'd stuck with

more like resolutions.
it`s just that i love lists, i really do.
and resolutions are especially wonderful to write down.
they smell of hope and adventures and great things to come.
it´s just so easy to put them down on paper, but then....
sometimes though i think it`s the thought that counts:
the fact that you still dream of things, still hope for things.
because i truly believe that even if a lot of these things don`t work out, other things will.

i may not learn to play the guitar in 2010, but maybe i`ll write a song.
i may not write as much as i intended to, but i will write as much as i can.
i may not become a dancer anymore, but that won`t stop me from dancing.

so the resolutions are

write more. write mails, letters, postcards, text messages , poems, stories, a book.
whatever works.

laugh more

start a gratitude journal ( thanks so much for the idea, leya. and congratulations! )

don`t be scared of pierre hermé`s recipes :) he`s just a human being ( i think:) )

try and be as fearless as you were when you were a child.

love more, hate less

be a good mum, a good partner, a good daughter and a good friend.
it`s not that hard.


dear gwen,

thank you so much for starting this challenge.
it`s been thought-provoking and- as it`s supposed to be- challenging.
even though i didn`t have a straight answer to quite a few of the prompts, i really enjoyed taking part. i wish you a great start in 2010 and am looking forward to hearing more from you.



blog challenge belated mash-up:best belly laugh/ best ad

now here are two very difficult things:

best belly laugh: as you all know by now, 2009 wasn`t a very funny year for me. there were lots and lots of tears, lots of despair. but i still had lots of belly laughs with the people i love and it is simply impossible to chose one. like the physiotherapist in hospital said: " laughter is a great way to train your muscles. ". i must think of that more often :)


best ad: now this one is totally impossible. i didn`t notice any ad, because i hardly watch television and wasn`t at the cinema this year very often. but the great thing about the blog challenge is that you can read and read and read for hours what other people have done, seen and found this year. so that`s what i did, i browsed the best ads and saw a lot of ads i had never heard of and had never seen. it`s like a studium generale, this challenge, one can learn such a lot and connect to people in the course of it, that`s just great.

Dec 28, 2009

blog challenge/ stationery

i really like this lovely,little doodle notes from artsyville, so i ordered them this year and they look just as nice as on the photo. would love these as bigger notecards as well, aimee ( hint, hint:))

Dec 27, 2009

blog challenge/ social web moment

every communication via the web is  a special social web moment for me. getting a friendly comment on my blog, commenting on other people`s blogs, getting nice snail mail notes from someone you`ve only gotten to know on the internet. all this is great because it makes something that is per se cold and virtual into something friendly and heartwarming and human. i really like that.

Dec 26, 2009

blog challenge/ best aha moment

my two aha moments this year were very profane yet they made me so happy. they were baking moments. as hilda from saffron and blueberry put it so wonderfully : " yeast and i are not friends ". well, we still aren`t, but we`re closer than a few weeks ago. i love baking,but i was almost scared of yeast and now i`ve tried fresh yeast and am maybe converted:) the second aha moment was managing the dough for eclairs and profiteroles, which we learnt during the patisserie course.
it was great when the eclairs puffed up and looked almost like in the baking book in front of me.
a very simple thing,but a great one, as it showed ( and still shows) me that even though there are quite a few  things i cannot do at the moment, there are still a lot of things i can do:

i can still laugh and write and read and dance a little- and bake.

( third aha moment after reading so many blogs during the past two weeks connected to the blog challenge: i am not alone. it is indeed not embarassing at all to love GLEE at my age :), quite a few people do. which makes it even better, somehow...)

Dec 25, 2009

blog challenge/Gift. What's a gift you gave yourself this year that has kept on giving?

i gave myself space to breathe. i allowed myself to be sick and to get well again, step by step.
i gave myself hope.

but all the above things i could only give to myself because others were generous and loving enough to allow me.

my family, my parents, my partner, my lovely son, they were and are the greatest gifts i could imagine. not just this year,but especially this year.

( and the best materialistic gift was definitely my long-awaited, long saved-for red car:)) )


merry christmas  to all of you! hope you have a great time!

Dec 24, 2009

blog challenge/ best learning experience

No, the human heart
Is unknowable.
But in my birthplace
The flowers still smell
As always.



my father sent me this yesterday and it means so much to me,coming from him.

i had a lot to learn this year ( see previous posts ), but a few things stuck:

i am a lot stronger than i thought.

one can find consolation in so many things you wouldn`t believe it.

laughter really is the best medicine.

it never hurts to believe in yourself.

Dec 23, 2009

blog challenge/ best web tool

will have to pass on that one, i`m afraid.just can`t think of any web tool that was important to me this year, in fact i have never even given the word web tool much thought. obviously i`m hopeless in that area:)) so no web tools for me, but i´ll be checking up on all the other participants- who knows what i might learn?

Dec 22, 2009

blog challenge/ best startup

like emma from pleasure notes, i have thought about this for a while, but still don`t have an answer. a friend of mine is starting her own business soon, so let`s just say that i hope and wish for her that her startup is the one for 2010.

blog challenge belated: best project

the best project this year is definitely the ongoing one, that is, this challenge.
it`s made me look at this year from different angles, getting to value things more in retrospective.
it`s also shown me that it is not as hard as i always thought to just go ahead and do it.
so at the moment i`m trying to work out what my new projects could be after this ends.
am sure i will find something...

blog challenge belated: best person: "my" male nurse

i met lovely people this year. people who made me laugh, who were kind to me when i didn`t expect it at all, who sent little presents and encouraging words. great people.
but if i have to single out someone, it would have to be ralf-dieter.

ralf-dieter is a male nurse on the orthopedic ward where i stayed before and after my operation.
he`s a big, comforting, bear-like man who gave me the best present one can have after an operation: a shower. he sensed that i was having a really bad day after a really bad night and he just took my bed,shoved it down the hall, told his colleagues that he`d be away for a while and whirled me into the bathroom. until then it was my firm belief, that the most romantic thing i had ever seen was robert redford washing meryl streep`s hair in OUT OF AFRICA. i assure you now, it is not. the most romantic, heartbreaking, gutwrenching thing for me this year was having this total stranger scoop me up and wash my stitched-together body and my hair with some crappy shampoo that someone had left there and that smelled of coconut. it was cleansing and healing in every sense of the word and that`s why i owe him and he`s my unsung hero of 2009.

blog challenge belated: best article

i cannot say that i have a best article of 2009. what i do have is a great magazine called OHRENKUSS. it`s a magazine written entirely by people who have down syndrome, with great photos and really good texts, that vary from one- liners to longer articles.
it`s a real treat and it always makes me so happy to read it. so if you understand any german, go and give it a try- it`s totally worth it.

Dec 20, 2009

blog challenge mash up:word or phrase/shop/car ride

word of the year: LEARNING
learning about cheese, about love, about pain,about life, about people,about eclairs, about friendship,about birds, about films. always.


shop: do not really have any mad money, but i did spend a lot of money at amazon. i ordered books and puzzles and dvds and even madeleines baking forms there this year. i ordered alost all my presents there as i`m not able to go shopping as usual. but i do believe it was all well spent ( or at least that`s what i`m trying to tell myself:)) )


car ride: not any good car rides for me this year,i`m afraid. too much pain involved. but wait, even though there was a lot of pain involved, the car ride back from the hospital in october must have been the best one, because at last i was on my way HOME.

blog challenge/best tea

the best tea this year for me is called BLAUE STUNDE. ( blue hour) . it`s a calming,soothing tea with lavender and sage and all kinds of lovely herbs- and boy, did i need calming and soothing this year, especially after september. it`s from a herb place in hamburg that i found on the internet, their other teas are great as well.

Dec 19, 2009

blog challenge/ best packaging

this one definitely came from aimee. i had ordered some things and they arrived alongside with all kinds of goodies she had packed, too. addressed with lovely, colourful and artistic writing, it warmed my heart before i had even opened it and read the very sweet note inside.

blog challenge/rush of the year

the first time i walked again after the operation.

blog challenge/best change made to the place you live

we finally got rid of the couch. the black,scruffy,worn out couch,loaded with not-so-good memories of not-so-good times. it`s gone ( well, it`s in the cellar anyway:), so that`s a first step)and at it`s place is a lovely and comfy day bed which allows me to be in the middle of it all rather than lying around in a bedroom almost all day. the inspiration board is near, my books and films are near,when i look out of the windows i can see the snowy balcony and the birds happily chopping up sunflower seeds. my son can sit on the rocking chair next to me and read or he can snuggle up to me when he feels like it. so much better than before.

Dec 14, 2009

new food

found my new food today.
cinnamon swirl bread, recipe and loads more inspiration can found with this lovely lady

the best place

under this sky, with the two men i love, the small one and the tall one.

album of the year, that is,songs of the year

i don`t have an album of the year, i have songs.
songs that have accompanied me this year, made me laugh and cry and dance.
here`s a selection:
jackson browne: bird of st.marks
ben folds, late
david gray: fugitive

moment of peace 2009

the moment i saw my son again after the operation.

blog find of the year

i found lots and lots of interesting and inspiring blogs in 2009.
but the one that gets me the most is habit.
the photos,the one-liners, the poetry of it all.

best workshop or conference

the only workshop i went to in 2009 was also the best one because it meant so much to me.
it was the first BIG thing i did after the back surgery and i was so proud to go through with it.
it was a workshop in French Patisserie and i just loved the atmosphere, the smells and the inspiration. and i loved being there with my best friend.

best night out 2009

as unbelieveable as it may sound i didn`t have any night out in 2009. there are many reasons for this, most of them have to do with my health and the pain.
but i don`t really mind about nights out, because i had lovely nights in.
nights with my son and my boyfriend, nights with my parents, watching old movies.
and then the days: giggly breakfasts with my son. afternoons walking with my lovely man.
visits from people,visits i hadn`t expected and that made me oh so happy.

Dec 13, 2009

blog challenge/book/film of the year

i did not read many books this year, which is unusual for me. due to this year`s circumstances though, i.e. lots of pain i could not muster much concentration for reading anything other than magazines. so the books i read were light reading and very lovely at that.
the first one that comes to mind is annie hawes ripe for the picking, a lovely and hilarious tale about her life in liguria.
then i loved, and i mean LOVED bake by rachel allen, which is indeed a cooking/baking book full with recipes that remind me of what my scottish grannie and my mom used to bake for me when i was little and could not yet bake myself:)
and then there`s the film that i started this year with and that touched me profoundly ( and yes i recommended it to almost everyone): reign over me with adam sandler.
when the film starts you can already guess it`s quality and tenderness by the opening scene with the great graham nash song simple man. and it just gets better.

Dec 12, 2009

blog challenge/challenge

i had major back surgery this year, only a few months after having another adhesion surgery.
this was my biggest challenge 2009. to live with my pirate scars and what they stand for, to learn everything new, to be incredibly patient whilst wanting to sing the  lemonheads line " patience is like bread i say/ i ran out of that yesterday" over and over again. learning to accept help from unexpected people and places. learning to live with the disappointment of losing so-called friends over being sick for so long and then still being able to trust new people,make new friends.learning how to walk, to sleep on my wounded back, to get dressed, to drive a car again, to pick up things with my fancy new gadget. learning how to feel whole again in spite of the feeling of being ripped apart in every sense of the word.

blog challenge/ best restaurant moment

celebrating my birthday with my best friend ruth and the lovely tartelettes:)
albrechts patisserie in berlin.

blog challenge/ best trip in 2009

our trip to the allgäu ( bavaria). to realize after years at the seaside, i am still a mountain girl at heart.

Dec 11, 2009


sometimes happiness is very easy.
watching them play for hours and afterwards feeding them with pasta and hanging their soaked trousers up to dry. easy.

Dec 7, 2009

monday love

please visit habit this month. all the artists that have participated throughout this year have come together for december. it`s beautiful and touching and definitely worth a look.

Dec 5, 2009

a long december

and it`s december- how on earth did this year pass so quickly? i feel like i want to make the most of this month and i want to make the most of what christmas should mean, alas, love and giving.i want to fill the air with the scent of clementines,,vanilla and cinnamon.
one of the blogs i follow that inspire me is cecilia`s blog, lovely colours and ideas.take a look!

Nov 19, 2009

thursday favourites: the cow lantern

we had forgotten all about the cow lantern from taiwan- and there it was, just in time for st.martin`s day, the day where we all walk around with our children and their lanterns singing lantern songs here.

Nov 12, 2009

thursday favourites: today: artsyville

hello thursday. i got my newest x-rays today and they look fine, so that`s a great relief.
my favourite today is aimee`s blog. i have been following it for a while and its lovely colours and quirky posts always make me smile. so here`s to aimee.

Nov 5, 2009

thursday favourites: today: the blue hour

if you want to see lovely photos and get great tips for all kinds of things that make life worthwhile,go to brian`s page, you will not be disappointed.

Nov 3, 2009


now that i`m at home so much,i like to try out the things i haven`t tried out yet, like flickr. please bear with me,as it will probably take a while to make the page presentable- i`d be glad if you stopped by!have a good week.

Oct 29, 2009

thursday favourites: today: habit and pumpkins

this is my favourite photo of the week, found at habit, a great space i visit on a regular basis.

Oct 25, 2009

almost over

the song for this week is " hate on me " by jill scott ( click title to see/ hear )
am so glad this week is almost over.
am also glad that the last two days lacked the aggressive atmosphere of the days before.
as aimee put it so well: " avoid toxic people. "
very true.

feelgood movie for sunday: kate & leopold :)

Oct 22, 2009

thursday favourites today: mr. j`s jelly fish

my dear friend jörg ( sent me this jellyfish. i love its colours, its seeming weightlessness, its elegance, the way it floats.
it`s calm and smooth and silky and vibrant while the weather outside is grey and depressing. now that i`m the scottish patient, i don`t do depressing anymore:)

Oct 20, 2009

the woman behind the wall

while i was in hospital, there was a woman in the room next door.nobody would tell me what was the matter with her,but she seemed to be in pain almost all the time and the moaning and the screaming went on for hours until she begged for help. i have very rarely felt so utterly helpless. i wanted to go to her, to hold her hand and comfort her, to be there, to somehow ease her pain. but i couldn`t move properly,couldn`t walk without help, couldn`t sit. so all i could do was lie there and listen to her pain and when it got really bad i rang for the nurses who were then angry with me for some reason, because i asked them to help her.
this went on for one and a half weeks and i got used to it,which is terrible,but true. she was always there, behind the wall.
and then, one afternoon, she was gone. and it was quiet and i had longed for that quietness, for some peace,but now it seemed wrong. they told me she had been transferred to another ward and that she was okay, whatever that means in hospital vocabulary.
i never saw her face.

where the heart is

home is where the heart is or so they say. it`s true though. after weeks in hospital,the first few days drowsy with all the pain killers and the fear, home felt so far away it seemed impossible ever to go back. now that i am back, i need to learn almost everything new.that is not always easy, but it is so worth it.
the titanscrews in my back are unfamiliar, i have to get used to them, used to walking straight without limping,used to relaxing my shoulders, used to having faith in my body. the doctor said " i`m not giving you a new back, i am repairing the one fate gave you " so easy, so hard.
at home, things are difficult. i need a lot of help,but every day brings new achievements. small steps, every day more steps.
the sun is shining for me and the colours of the leaves are son combing my hair is beautiful. the first shower after the hospital was beautiful, the warm water pouring down my skin, the steam, the smell of the lovely shower cream someone gave me. all new.

Jan 20, 2009

inauguration day

" wenn man barack obama so sieht, dann möchte man gleich ein besserer mensch werden.", sagt mein vater vorhin,mit leichter ironie zwar,doch trotzdem...
im fernsehen weinen alle vor glück,das kind weint nicht,es freut sich über aretha franklin`s hut,über die überdimensionale graue schleife.
trotz verpassten törtchen bei albrechts heute,trotz kranker kinder und kopfschmerzen- ein grosser und schöner tag.