Jun 23, 2010

weird wednesday

have obviously gone crazy. booked another flight, this time to stuttgart to see my parents.
have decided that i need a testflight, all on my own, before the flight to glasgow, so that`s what i am going to do. am going off to stuttgart mid-july, all alone so that all the crying, pulling of hair, hyperventilating, etc. will not be witnessed by my son.
have bought rescue drop gum, although i do not trust it to help me one bit.
but hey, i might just surprise myself. maybe i will feel safe and sound with lufthansa, maybe i will sing a little song while on board or write a poem or invent something awesome.
you never know...

book for today: " conquer your fear of flying in 30 minutes " ( yeah, i know, haha:) )
song for today: dream on ( the glee version )
film for today: the rebound

Jun 19, 2010

windy weekend

very cool and windy here since yesterday.
am utterly, totally exhausted.
have been carrying things back and forth from our flat to the interim flat, which is simply disgusting. can`t sleep properly and am absolutely fed up.

hope very much that next week will be better.

have a good weekend!

Jun 14, 2010


booked the flight. feel sick and scared.
but i booked the flight.

manic monday

very early. very cold compared to last week.my son ist still sleeping, exhausted from watching last nights football game. three more weeks of school, then six weeks of summer holidays. we are all looking forward to it.
have apparently found new and exciting ways to sabotage myself: no booking of flights yesterday, instead frantic search for my son`s passport which has disappeared into thin air. will have to apply for new one today and do not know if it will be there in time. haha! unbelieveable, but true.
of course we will still have to book very, very, very soon. already having scary flight dreams, as usual.
this week i will not have much time on my hands to do anything remotely fascinating.
we have to move tomorrow, grab some of our stuff and go to an interim appartment, while they fix ours. hopefully two weeks tops, but still a hassle.
then bringing the car to its annual check, changing the tyres, preparing my son for his last maths exam this school year, etc, etc. nothing but pure delight ( apart from the maths thing, which is great because he loves it so much ).

and maybe, maybe, book a flight.

Jun 12, 2010

at the airport

have been sick for weeks, months and years- or so it seems, at least.
but while i haven`t been posting, because i simply wasn`t up for it, i haven`t laid my plans to rest, not at all.
have been reading books about the fear of flying, have had long talks with friends and therapists who specialise on phobies and today i went to the airport with my partner to have my first look at what i have to expect this summer if we really, really book this flight.
my physical reaction caught me by surprise: the air in the main hall was simply awful, felt as if i couldn`t breathe properly before i even got near a plane.
then saw a plane that was being fuelled, the gangway being fastened to the plane.
all that jazz. my palms started to sweat, i felt as if i was going to faint, totally sick and dizzy.
but then i looked at the other people who were walking around. most of them looked quite relaxed and happy, some of them tired, but i spotted noone who looked even slightly as panicky as i felt. somehow that calmed me down. i took a good look at crews and pilots and everyone who was doing their job there and suddenly it all felt a little bit more normal.
have to decide this weekend whether to book the flight berlin-glasgow. two hours of my life. two short, long hours of my life. my son would love to go. can i do this for him, if not for me?

would you all be so kind as to tell me about your feelings concerning flying? about your experiences ( hopefully great ones:) )?
i would be really thankful.